A Search For A Better Me
We all carry a baggage of life experiences with us. All the negative ones weight and influence us. We don’t even realize how we put barriers in front ourselves and somehow we forget to be happy.
I’m the biggest promoter of the concept of living in the moment. In my circle of friends I’m known as the outgoing, adventurous, always up for a challenge kind. Yet, when it came to love – you know, that deep and powerful feeling that makes you feel alive and activates all your senses – I felt lost. Lost and scared! Literally freaked out…
I thought I’ve met love before, even several times, but this was somehow different. I was having in front of me the man of my dreams, at least he did seemed to be. He was kind and gentle, looking at me with those puppy eyes, that I got lost in.
Yes, we meet such matches during the course of our lives probably more than just once. But how can we keep one of them in our lives for a long time?
I managed to screw up my promising looking romance before it properly starated. Once again… Why do I even wonder?! Most of my past relationships already reached the dead point before having created a solid foundation.
If any of you found yourselves in such an evil circle, I’ve got good news. I think I figured out the solution. Well, the problem. I figured out that the issue lied within me, at least part of it. I’ve been repeating all over again and again the very same scenario, just with different characters. My characters all had similar traits: insecurities, trust issues, and a strong but false sense of self confidence. I was drawn to these people because my subconscious was sensing their weakness and in my own way, I wanted to fix them. When in reality all I needed is to fix myself.
I reached a point when I realized I needed to take a long look in the mirror. Usually, my strong, confident self was staring back at me. This time it was the vulnerable little girl, who was lacking so much. I realized that the little girl lives in me, it’s part of me and I’ve been ignoring her needs, her cries for help.
Putting on a mask and acting strong may bring us benefits in some situations, but we should never forget about ourself and our personal needs. When love is what we crave, we shouldn’t act in favor of one night stands. Sooner or later the mask will fall off, our man may be gone by then and we’ll sob and say: “but I actually wanted something serious “, but there will be no one to hear it anymore.
Working on ourself is a permanent, conscious process, where the aim is to shape our personality and behavior every single day to reach our highest potential, to bring out the very best in us. I want to be the best version of myself and the fact that I have millions of negative characteristics doesn’t mean that I can’t reach my target. To start, it’s wise to consult that baggage we carry with us, this contains precious information about and for us. Don’t be afraid to open this pandora’s box. Don’t be scared to face the unpleasant parts of your past and try to slowly get rid of what’s unnecessary in there. The weight will be less to carry and your peace of mind will get a few steps closer.
Now I consult my baggage regularly and on every occasion I “unpack”. I came to the realization that one of my fears when meeting a guy has been trust. Due to my past experiences my trust issues remained with me they were weighing me down and it has been extremely hard to drag it with me. Though being cautious is a good thing, not trusting without any reason to do so is just the opposite. I’ve decided to take every person as they are. If someone disappointed me in the past, it will stay there, now, in the present I have a new person in front of me, who has done nothing to not be trusted. Life is too beautiful to fill it with doubt and negativity. Work on yourself to switch to a healthier mindset and good things and nice people will keep on coming because you will learn to find the good in the bad and the positive in the negative.