Choke On This Snazzy Accessory
Chokers– the snazzy ornament we choose to spend our money on rather than save for our future retirement. It makes sense, though. I mean you could die tomorrow, so you might as well look remarkably swank today. Whether you’re unfamiliar with them or are too familiar with chokers & think they are so last year, I’m going to suggest you read on. I’ve put together five keen observations regarding the choker that might provide you with a new insight or completely waste your time:
1) This accessory is truly a revival of the past. No, no I am not talking about the good ol’ 90’s punk (glory) days or back during the time of the French Revolution, but instead a rejuvenation of our adolescent selves. You know who I am referring to… that buck-toothed fifth grader who once decorated their arms with an array of Silly Bandz & splurged on neon chokers from Claire’s. It’s funny how a generation was crazy about them, took a quick snack break, & 10 years later *Spongebob narrator voice* are now once again scrambling to have every color & style of choker in existence.
2) Chokers like to be backwards. Is your selfie ACTUALLY complete unless your choker managed to scoot itself entirely around your neck without your knowledge? This is a consistent problem I experience, thus I have decided that all we can do is simply embrace this as the next trend. Let’s rock the clasp. Woot woot. 2k17 am I right? CLASPS SHALL BE THE NEXT BIG THING (& I’ll be able to proudly say that “mhmm I told you so.”)
3) A tight relationship is often established between you & your choker (I apologize for the bad pun kids). Breathing may become a wee bit more strenuous. With something wrapped around your neck, it not only is harder to take in those oxygen molecules, but swallowing your coconut water & your avocado toast will lack its usual ease, as well. Buuuttt heeeyyy, no pain, no game. You gotta do what you gotta do. In all honesty, the obstacles we must overcome in order to accurately express our artsy selves deserves praise. “The struggle is real,” us fashion enthusiasts mumble in unison as we each fasten the clasp around our neck.
4) Chokers are low maintenance. It’s as if this inanimate object somehow suddenly developed a sense of empathy & was tired of watching us humans cry over a tangled necklace. & lemme tell you a thing or two about tangles; if your mom isn’t there to save the day by using her untangling skills, you are definitely out of luck. Chokers just get it. They are easy. If you decide to go to the gym, *BAM*, toss that choker in your purse without a second thought because it’s going to come out later like it never went in. ‘Tis a reason to be thankful.
5) All hail this universal accessory. I swear chokers can SPICE UP any outfit for any occasion. They can add that extra beau monde vibe at a fancy dinner & that I-promise-I-can-dress-myself oomph to your coffee date T-shirt look. & if you’re feeling extra venturesome, you can even wear one to the gym to give you the confidence boost necessary to finish that cardio workout.
Chokers are a timeless accessory, so it’s definitely a smart investment if you’re one of those cautious spenders such as myself (shout out to expensive college tuition). There’s no rules or regulations in the world of fashion– so go for it. Fasten that choker & walk out your door with a bang.