…But I Was Supposed to Save The World
When I was young, naïve and full of dreams, I always thought that I would grow up to save the world. How I would save the world was dependent on the ever-changing interests of my short attention span. Sometimes, it was a marine biologist to save the whales; other times it was a teacher to help kids in disadvantaged communities; and for a brief time, it was a lawyer or CSI agent to put the bad guys behind bars like on Law & Order.
I thought that I would make a difference, save the day, and be the hero just like my books and movies … Just like my favorite Disney princess, Mulan, who was able to defeat the odds, challenge sexist ideas, defend her family’s honor, protect the ones she loved, and save China! Then, of course, I would fall in love and everyone would live happily ever after. It seemed like the perfect story. And it would be my story if I worked hard enough, was a good person, got straight A’s, and did well in soccer, violin and all of my other activities.
Fast forward a decade. I am in my twenties.
I have a pretty good job that I like on most days with decent pay. I rent a townhouse from some wealthy guy that I have never met. I live with my boyfriend and a friend from college along with an adorable cat named Binx (yes, from the movie Hocus Pocus). We order sushi and pizza take-out more than I’d like to admit.
I spend a lot of time with friends. I go Phillies games, wine tastings and events. Sometimes we just hang out in our living room playing the card game Exploding Kittens (it’s awesome!)… though I tend to fall asleep before midnight. I’ve spent the past few years traveling around the world. Most of my friends are starting their own lives: getting married, having kids, you know … the drill.
My boyfriend, Joe, and I have been together for over seven years. He is my best friend and knows me better than I know myself. My family is caring and funny while also chaotic and filled with drama. I love them all dearly.
So instead of saving the world, I may seem like a fairly average person in a big world that still needs to be saved.
For a long time, I looked at my life and hated myself because I thought that I was supposed to be a better, more important person. I used to look at my life and feel wasteful. But in the past few months, I have been very close to someone dealing with depression and it has been the wake up call that I needed. I have realized that I am happy, I am damn lucky for what I have, and you know what? I make a difference. No, I may not have saved the Emperor from the Hun, but I make small differences every day. We all do.
We provide support to our families, we are the shoulders to cry on, we make others laugh, we work hard at our jobs, we help others, we volunteer and donate, we smile at the stranger who was having a bad day. We impact the world around us, whether we know it or not. We are not average. We are a force to be reckoned with.
I hope that by posting to Millenials365, I can make another difference. To all of you. I hope that by sharing my stories, we can all learn something about ourselves along the way. Some of my stories may get pretty deep, so bear with me as I learn to be that open and vulnerable with you, while others may be basic lessons that I have learned. And let’s be honest – plenty of my stories will just be funny, ridiculous adventures in my crazy life.
If you or anyone you know has ever suffered from depression or need help, please seek help:
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: 741 741