Is It Wrong To Say I Have Too Many Friends?
I have been friends with all different types of my people, my entire life. In high school I won “Most Outgoing,” in my yearbook and I have been told that I am a friendly person, an open book, someone that gets along with all different types of people. I won’t deny any of those remarks, because I do honestly believe I have a relatable personality, and I do have a tendency to find a part of me that connects with all kinds of people, but I often wonder if this characteristic has benefitted my social life.
I have been in romantic relationships with personalities across the board—from jocks, to hipsters, to musicians, to party boys, to the quiet and reserved, to the ‘nerdier’ boys with quirky qualities, to the frat boy type of boys (hate to be stereotypical, but we all know what kind of guy that is). I don’t have a type. I float…with friends too.
In my life, I found that I have intimate connections with an array of people. I like to open up and speak my mind, hoping it will stimulate a bond, a communicative relationship, fulfilled by similar interests, ideologies and trust. But on the other hand, I seek that one connection where a person just gets me—understands me. I have found people where the connection has been tightly wound—we both like the gym, love to eat, love to cook, love to party but also enjoy hiking and watching a movie. I have found those people who love to dine at restaurants, write, talk about life, take road trips, be ambitious. I have found those people who like to roam, to spend alone time, to travel, to open up. Despite all this and those lovely people in my life, I have yet to find that person that inhabits all of these qualities.
I’m aware that there are friends for different things—you have your party friends, your hangin’ friends, your artsy friends, etc. but yet I still want to pursue an intimate connection with one singular person, and I don’t know why but I am hoping that person isn’t going to be my husband in 10 years from now (ha, I just lolled at that idea). I don’t like to settle for bad friends, and I don’t like to make fake friendships—I genuinely enjoy getting to know someone on a deep level, be compassionate and comfortable with people I consider my friends, but I really desire that one person who I can just be myself around, entirely—free of judgments; someone who understands my humor, understands why I care so much for others, someone who respects my upfront approach to solving an issue, someone who embraces emotion and welcomes all people.
I don’t know if I should be sad, and dwell on the fact I haven’t found my one person, but have found 10-20 people I call very close friends. Is one better than the other? Is it better, healthier, more fulfilling (I am unsure what adjective to use here) to have close friends from all over the world, all over my college campus, all different ages, than to have a singular best friend and then those people you consider “friends,” and/or “acquaintances, on the side?” When I have discussed the issue with people, there isn’t much to say. It’s all perspective. Some say they rather have what I have, and some say they like their strong bond with that one person simply because that person completes them and they are a ‘better,’ when they are together.
I think I crave this connection because I have lots of say, and lots to offer. I have a whole lot of love within me, lots of neutering qualities, cluster of mommy motives (I’m a caretaker), and a cargo of stories/experiences/bottled up things from the past I want to share, but I feel as though those characteristics and traits are things to be shared with your lifelong partner, or that one best friend I described.
What’s your take? Do you feel the same way, do you think about this question, do you maybe take the cherished relationships in your life for granted? You tell me, because I’ve been wondering my entire life.